Voice of My Heart

Took a much needed complete day off from work and was really in no mood even to open laptop. But then, can't live without it either. That shows how technology can completely enslave us.

Last 2 days were really bad. Nothing went wrong and nothing bad happened, don't know what has got into me. Total blankness, was completely clueless, depressed and directionless. Mind was completely messed up and was flooded with so many thoughts that I could not even comprehend. And worst, I could not even find a specific reason, why that was happening. Nothing was proving to be of help, reading, tv, going out, music ( that was only bringing uncontrollable tears, huh!!!),  talking with friends ( I feel so sorry, they tried so much to make  me understand, but idiotic mind was not accepting any reason), tried everything to keep my mind diverted, but all in vain. I hate to see some thoughts taking so much control over my mind.

But today I woke up feeling a little better, after battling with myself for complete 2 days. Some battles have to be fought alone, some struggles are only for you to take. This always makes my belief stronger that nothing lasts forever, happiness and not even pain.

Ordered 3 more books to read ( hope they deliver it soon, can't wait). I want this phase to end soon, I know if I survived through this one ( like many others), it will only make me a better person. And I know I will.

I have had many such phases, ( life was never a piece of cake ) and I somehow found ways to get out of them, feeling better and stronger. I have become a bit cynical and a bit apprehensive towards a lot of things ( I never was and never will be perfect).

Life has always been a roller coaster ride, but still if I am alive today, that means I have survived everything that was being presented to me, good or bad. I many a times feel I have become immune to pain and suffering, coz there are times when things happen and I don't feel a thing. But phases like these remind me I am still human and I am still capable of feeling pain.

Need to rest my mind a bit I guess, so that I will be alive and kicking, full of life ( the one thing people love me for). I trip, I fall, get hurt, get up and start to walk again. I guess that is the beauty of being a human. Let the pain and suffering rest in some part of my heart till it finds a way to be released. Voids are always going to be there, of some or the other kind. Trying to find happiness in whatever I possess.

When as a custom the night sweeps day aside,
Leaving me with nothing
But 
A thousand thoughts undefined.

Lying amidst the darkness
And
Striving hard to survive,
There has to be something
That must be keeping them alive.

A hope, a desire
A wish unfulfilled,
A dream, a fight
That is nothing
But a mist.

Falling for the devil’s pride
Keeping the goodness aside,
A soul is resurrecting
From the corpse
Burnt alive.

Some are seen with closed eyes,
Some are open eyes’ delight.

Some carry hopes for future,
Some are nightmares from the past.

Some are rays of the rising sun,
Some are shadows of the dusk.

Some we wish to wipe from our memories.
Some are the companions in life’s journey.

Some nurture our soul,
Some break our heart.

Some take us through the territories unknown,
Some make us repeatedly walk the forgetful roads.

Some pull you up,
Some get you down,

Some are hazy,
Some are luminous.

Dreams;

Weapons of the strong hearted,
Escape of the weaker souls.

How limitless and timeless,
The bonvoyage of the soul,

Inseparable, unavoidable.
A mystery waiting to be resolved.

A sane world awaiting the transformation to insane reality.