Voice of My Heart

My heart has a lot to say, but words fall short,

My eyes are searching something, but feels somewhere lost.

Holding a hand, I want to travel long,

Listen to his tunes; want to dance to his songs.

Want to make an effort to give life a different meaning,

Give a reason to it to share its feelings.

Feels like flying up high in the sky,

Without the fear of falling down and die.

Wish someone was here to hold me when I fall,

To soothe me with his touch and to drench my soul.

To make me smile and to make me glow,

And with whom I could live life with its flow.

Everything around would seem so new,

Full of life and spreading different hue.

When my unending quest will reach its destination?

Till when I will be carrying on with this fight,

And wait for someone who will be standing with open arms to hold me tight.

When faced with a challenge, look for a way, not a way out." - David Weatherford

Haven’t we all been through hard and difficult times? Aren’t there moments in our lives when we might have felt dejected by either someone saying negative things about us or there might be instances where we have experienced personal rejection that has made us feel low on confidence?

There are many things we face in life that put a full stop on our positive thoughts and we start to find life meaningless with no joy around. There might be 100 reasons for which you might feel negative like problem with job, love life, loneliness, loss of a near one, physical injury and sometimes we can’t even find a reason for being melancholic, but it is there affecting our heart and mind. These reasons surely may hamper our happiness and positivity.

                                               Image Courtsey : Google

When we are going through a bad phase in life, it is very natural to be disappointed, regretful and nostalgic. We see our present having no meaning and all our thoughts lead to unhappiness and negativity rules our mind. Humans have emotions and these emotions lead to the fluctuation in our feelings and thoughts.

When we tend to let our happiness depend on a number of factors, it is when that things become difficult. When we let our happiness pass through a number of qualifiers to be able to get the right amount and at a certain level to be content, we fail and lose our power to be happy. I am surely one of those who do that and I want to write this as a reminder to me that nothing lasts forever and everything has to pass sooner or later.

Being happy in hay days is what all of us do, but if we make use of the capability we have been endowed by the Creator, that is the ability to be happy in the difficult times, world can be a better place. We need to have patience that whatever it is will pass soon and acquire strength to face things with a smile on our face.

There is no set formula to be happy as we hear in our lives. Happiness is within ourselves and we always have a choice to take it or leave it. It is not something that appears and disappears with changing times; it is there always, waiting silently to be picked. If we wish to be happy, there is nothing that can take us away from it, and if we wish to be sad (consciously or unconsciously), then there is nothing that can drive us to it.

There are a lot of reasons around us to be happy, which we often neglect. The best way to focus our attention to the joy in life is to build and elevate our desire to have it. The main obstacle we deal with in that process is our very own mind. A few things you can try doing to keep that happiness intact.

I agree some things are easily said than done, but isn’t it worth it a try? Isn’t it something we all should try doing for ourselves and the people around who like to see us smiling?

“I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I have bought a big bat.  I am all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me.” ---Dr. Seuss

 “Unless one says goodbye to what one loves, and unless one travels to completely new territories, one can expect merely a long wearing away of oneself and an eventual extinction.”- Jean Dubuffet

We all might have faced situations, where we have to say goodbye to people, temporarily or permanently. The moment is not easy and many a times not acceptable as we don’t want to let people go and may be goodbye is the last thing we could ever have thought to say to them. But the truth is, we have to face it, willingly or unwillingly.

But isn't this thing a part of our daily lives? We, at some or the other point, have to bid our final adieu to people. We can’t hold a person forever, against his will, or rather, going against the circumstances. Even if we succeed to make them stay by some way or the other, it again won’t last for long, and if it will, then it will be half–heartedly.

Don’t we make promises to people to stay together forever, no  matter what ? But do these promises last forever, every time?  I guess no. As they say promises are meant to be broken. All the people we meet in our lives is for a purpose. Some helps us through our life's journey and some withdraws it halfway.

The biggest barrier we face in the path of saying goodbye is our emotions. The truth is people come and people go, and we, should learn to accept this thing that we can’t hold on to someone forever. There can be inevitable circumstances, when we take a decision to let someone go or vice versa .

Learning to say goodbye will bring a change to your life, and that change at some point will make you realise that every good bye you said, lead to the beginning of new greetings. We have to release something to feel some newness. To start a new chapter, it is important to end the old one.

“For every goodbye, God also provides a hello” – Donna Gable Hatch

It is never easy as memories do keep haunting. But the truth is the more you keep yourself stuck to people who are no more with you, the more difficult will life be. We need to learn that what’s gone is gone and we need to make ourselves ready to welcome new people with new thoughts and new energy into our lives. There surely will be someone to fill in the void that was created by someone’s exit.

As we move along with our lives, we get accustomed to this fact that goodbyes are an integral part of our lives. If you learn to take it easy, it will only make you stronger.

But I would like to add in the end that to say goodbye is better than never getting an opportunity to say it altogether. The latter hurts more.

“People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favourite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past.”- Nicholas Sparks

Kyu hame itna majboor kar deti hai yaaden

Na jaane kyu unhi galiyon me har dafa le jaati hai yaaden.

Kyu hum apne man k gulaam banke reh jaate hai

Aur tanhaiyo me chupke se muskurati hai yaaden.

Kabhi palko pe aansoo, kabhi honton pe muskaan ki tarah ithlaati hai yaaden.

Faslo ko mitakar, duriyon ko ghatakar

Kisi ke kareeb hone ka ehsaas karati h yaaden.

Kyu hum bhaagna chahte hai tanhai se bachkar

Jab parchhai ki tarah sang hamesha chalti hai yaaden.

Soone se gharonde me palti hai pal pal,

 Phir kyun Vaadon si toot jaati he yaaden.

Khojten rehte he purani galiyon me nishaan unke,

Aur seene me dabkar aksar reh jaati hai yaaden.

I wanted to write a post on this for long, but finally it is today that I am doing it. I know many people might be having this weird kind of opinion about Yahoo chat rooms. But I would say, my experience has been a real good one and I have made so many friends there, that I could ever imagine of. I have met a few of them in real, and I count those days as some of the best I had. I have had a tough time with people in real life, but this virtual world has been like really nice to me.

Yahoo has always been special to me since the time I started to use it, some 8-9 years back.

I won’t talk about all the rooms here, but only my second home Books and Literature room on yahoo. This is one hell of a room with some really amazing human beings I could never thought of meeting otherwise. Another best person I met was the one who introduced me to this room, my dearest friend, opti, as I call him. We know each other from past 3 years and have been in regular touch since then. I guess no one knows me as well as he does.

And now I have a long list of names to mention here (I am dead if I left any of them), as we, at one time were kind of a happy family. So my list of B&L3 roomies and the friends I made there would include, in no particular order- (I am just mentioning their screen names, as I call them, instead of the real ones) Abhi-( has seen and bear the worst of me), Humanity, Avi, Meenakshi, Desmond, Cygnus, Opium, Simran, Nimbus, Aman, Scooby, Khan, Booki, Exboy, Real, Heart, Amy, Search, Rucks, Tia, Vampi, Puck, Bluecheese, Weakduck, Jekyll, Mouse, Poops, Fatal, Sangeeta, Candida, Pary, Cupid, Purple, Fairy, Lost, Jay, Zero, Pranay, Snappy, Harpy, Lionz, Word, Real. Apologies to those whom I missed. It is nothing that I am addicted to chatting or something, but it is always good to talk to friends, real or virtual.

Now here, we discuss everything except books (we do that too sometimes, but are pulled back to our normal idiotic talks again by some), we pull each other’s legs,  enjoy our time, leave all the burden of the world aside and be as much stupid as we can.  These people not only have a good heart but are highly intellectual too, and I love them for this.

I have had some of the best and funniest moments of my life with these people and I just want to thank them for all the love and care they have given to me. These people have made me feel really special at some or the other point and can’t forget the way they all have been there to make me forget everything. The way they all wished me on my birthday was something I will never forget.  The moments I have spent with them all are unforgettable and they have been much more than real friends. No matter in which part of the world they are, India, Pakistan, Philippines, USA, Middle East, anywhere, there is something that has connected all of us. It is good to know all of them and I know some of them will be with me for a very long time.

I just wish all of them a very happy and prosperous life and may all the dreams of these lovely people come true. God Bless them all. And lastly all I want to say to all is - I love all of you and you will always be remembered.

"The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.”

It’s past 3 am, not sleepy at all. Another of those sleepless nights. Everything seems to be going away and everything seems to have fallen apart. What one can do if one’s own goodness becomes a reason for disappointment? Are good people only born to suffer? Is there no one who values a good heart? Can’t take human existence around me now. It’s better to be alone, than to be with people who don't give a fuck about you. Charles M Schulz said it aptly, “I love mankind, its people I can’t stand.”  It is becoming more and more difficult for me too to stand people. Not giving up on people too soon, enough time and enough chances I have given. I don’t know how good or bad it is to be only with yourself, to be in a shell. Like it or not, I am or I will, willingly or unwillingly, soon be losing it all. Mankind is good, I feel, but people, they are just unbearable. Fake people, fake realities, fake existences, fake things, fake friends, fake relations, fake truths, fake smiles, fake love, fake appearances, fake promises,  fake emotions, each and everything that I see around is so meaningless and so worthless. Difficult for me to survive here.Just lost in this fake and pretentious world.

I want to be in your arms tonight,

Yes, I want it so much,

With all your love, care and affection.

With no thoughts in mind of present and future.

Free from all shackles of the world,

Just listening to what our breath has to say to each other.

How after a long tiresome wait, the day arrived,

The day

When I, felt my soul drenched in your love.

And you took me to a trance,

Away from all these fake realities of life.

I want to be in your arms tonight,

Yes, I want it so much,

And I want the night to end with my name on your lips,

Followed by a smile.