Took a much needed complete day off from work and was really in no mood even to open laptop. But then, can't live without it either. That shows how technology can completely enslave us.

Last 2 days were really bad. Nothing went wrong and nothing bad happened, don't know what has got into me. Total blankness, was completely clueless, depressed and directionless. Mind was completely messed up and was flooded with so many thoughts that I could not even comprehend. And worst, I could not even find a specific reason, why that was happening. Nothing was proving to be of help, reading, tv, going out, music ( that was only bringing uncontrollable tears, huh!!!),  talking with friends ( I feel so sorry, they tried so much to make  me understand, but idiotic mind was not accepting any reason), tried everything to keep my mind diverted, but all in vain. I hate to see some thoughts taking so much control over my mind.

But today I woke up feeling a little better, after battling with myself for complete 2 days. Some battles have to be fought alone, some struggles are only for you to take. This always makes my belief stronger that nothing lasts forever, happiness and not even pain.

Ordered 3 more books to read ( hope they deliver it soon, can't wait). I want this phase to end soon, I know if I survived through this one ( like many others), it will only make me a better person. And I know I will.

I have had many such phases, ( life was never a piece of cake ) and I somehow found ways to get out of them, feeling better and stronger. I have become a bit cynical and a bit apprehensive towards a lot of things ( I never was and never will be perfect).

Life has always been a roller coaster ride, but still if I am alive today, that means I have survived everything that was being presented to me, good or bad. I many a times feel I have become immune to pain and suffering, coz there are times when things happen and I don't feel a thing. But phases like these remind me I am still human and I am still capable of feeling pain.

Need to rest my mind a bit I guess, so that I will be alive and kicking, full of life ( the one thing people love me for). I trip, I fall, get hurt, get up and start to walk again. I guess that is the beauty of being a human. Let the pain and suffering rest in some part of my heart till it finds a way to be released. Voids are always going to be there, of some or the other kind. Trying to find happiness in whatever I possess.

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    Prithvi said...

    Thats awsome bravo

  1. ... on 29 May 2013 at 13:21  
  2. Rebellious Submission said...

    Thanks Prithvi... I will rise and I will fight, no matter what comes, always :)..The faith and trust you show in my fighting spirit is what keeps me going. :)

  3. ... on 29 May 2013 at 13:29  
  4. Prithvi said...

    Inspiring you is my pleasure, your winning over darkness will be my bliss

  5. ... on 29 May 2013 at 13:34  
  6. Rebellious Submission said...

    :):) and my brother are my inspiration..I m learning from you both, how to survive life.

  7. ... on 29 May 2013 at 13:55  
  8. shanshaj2004 said...

    Every dawn is a new reason for hope .things will change , Keep believin Richa:)

  9. ... on 29 May 2013 at 17:22  
  10. Anuroop reddy said...

    Pain is inevitable.Suffering is optional.

    You know I can relate with every word that you penned. Lets hope we shall over this Bizarre phase soon:-)

  11. ... on 30 May 2013 at 20:17  
  12. Rebellious Submission said...

    Thanks Shan :)..I do believe in nothing lasts forever thing.

    Anuroop- I am sure we will and we have to. I see you as a strong person too.

    One thing I have learnt too well- Just stop looking for people's approval and accepting their idea of you. Be yourself and be truthful. If someone has to like you, they will for what you are, if not, their loss. You are not bound to please someone by being what you are not. :)

  13. ... on 31 May 2013 at 11:23  
  14. Sanity said...

    It's a feeling I can tell.. I go through this uneasy alterations of mind very often.. I personally feel these occasional depressions are the result of our urge to bring out some philosophical melodramatic scene.. Have some play with the words and as soon as it gets drifted away. We are normal back again..

  15. ... on 20 June 2013 at 15:57  
  16. Rebellious Submission said...

    Yes..i agree to that..It keep happening often and once its over, i sometimes feel was it even worth it..well..happens I guess with most of us..

  17. ... on 28 June 2013 at 23:09